The Ugly American

Robert Kirby (an irreverent LDS humorist who's been quoted in conference) has an article about being an Ugly American in Europe in the Salt Lake Tribune. One of the comments after the article was hilarious. This by a poster named JWeeks:


Here's how to excel as an American Tourist:

1. People who don't speak English are probably just hard of hearing. If you increase the volume of your comments, you can probably make them understand.

2. Compare everything you see with what we do or do not have "back home." People in all foreign lands enjoy being compared with everything Merican.

3. It is useful to try to pass US currency everywhere. Do not exchange your money for Euros or whatever the local currency is. Also use this opportunity to remark on how much (or possibly how little) everything is compared with "back home."

4. When given the opportunity, lecture anyone within earshot on how things should or should not be done.

5. It is required of all Americans traveling within Europe to provide a history lesson at least once a week, particularly emphasizing how their country wouldn't even exist without the old U.S. of A. You can use this in conjunction with your discourses on foreign policy in general.

6. Moan about the fact that you cannot pack heat or about other Merican rights you have had to give up during your stay abroad. If you can chuckle about how these folks don't have their rights protected by a written constitution, it will add to the peoples' desire to learn from you and be drawn to your wisdom.

7. When you get lost and go into a shop to ask directions, do not bother waiting in line to ask for assistance. Most foreigners don't have much to do with their time, are seldom in a hurry, and so if you butt in front of them, it will just make them smile and say "those wacky Americans."

8. Finally, let your foreign friends see your gleaming white legs; legs that haven't seen the light of day for the past six years. They will provide a nice contrast to your black socks and tennis shoes. The Hawaiian shirt provides the color to top off your ensemble.


Classic.